mood hair

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

2011-07-18T13:13:00.006-07:00

For a week in June, me and five 8-11 year old girls hunkered down for some serious art-making. This was the first of a two week art camp (the next to be held August 8-12!) hosted at a home up in the Oakland hills. This is just the beginning of what I envision being an ongoing creative series (which I have yet to come up with an appropriate name or website for) for the brilliant, and always hilarious, artistic youth of the Bay Area. Please let me know if you or anyone you know would like to participate!

Wanna see what we made?

First, we ventured into the backyard....

then made our way to the park.

Frankie discovered a very hungry friend (that's a tofu dog, right?),

as did Georgie.

Actually, we went a little bunny crazy,

before Stella and Sophia helped us find true love.

Along with love, Cianna found some rockin' hats and even more snacks to share. We really loved snacks.

Speaking of snacks... have you ever wondered how much a tomato plant grows in just 5 days? Because we sure did.

Thank you Stella, Frankie, Georgie, Cianna, and Sophia for your brilliance, your thoughtfulness, and your giggles. I can not wait for round two.

2010-02-23T20:30:00.005-08:00

maybe i'll start blogging again?

2010-02-22T13:25:00.004-08:00

2009-11-04T23:59:00.005-08:00

cheater

2009-10-07T08:12:00.003-07:00

dear blog,

i've been cheating on you with my new blog/project i've been working on with jen.

i love you both, just give me some time to figure it out.

forgive me,
devon

Supernatural

2009-09-21T00:20:00.007-07:00

I just got back from a three and a half week vacation. For those thinking of taking a month-long vacation, I have one thing to say to you: DO. It's amazing. In the past week, after returning and being catapulted back into real life, I've been thinking a lot about the significant difference between vacation and real life and how it doesn't really make sense for it to be so noticeable. There's a different mentality to vacation, obviously, partially due to a usual change in location. But it's definitely more than that. It's time for self. Permission to do nothing. Deeper breaths. So the question is, why can't we feel that way in real life too? I mean, it seems like a much more sustainable way to live to create a "real life" that doesn't require some dramatic departure in order to reconnect with feeling good.

I think so much of the shear joy and deep relaxation I felt while away was connected to the fact that I wasn't anywhere near a city...so that's something to think about. While in downeast Maine on the front end of my trip I spent some time with a dear, dear friend on her family's land in what is basically the easternmost part of the county. It's appropriately named Racepoint (even on some maps) because the water rushes in and out of the bay it sits on at incredible speeds due to the fact that the tides have a 25 foot vertical variance. That's a whole lot of water rushing in and out every 12 hours, let me tell you. Other than the bay, there was no running water. And the stars...oh, the stars!! One night we brought our sleeping bags into the meadow to lay and look at sky before the moon rose and decided, after about two hours, that we should just sleep out there. In the morning an eagle flew over us so close we could hear its wings flapping. I kept saying "this is like magic," until I thought about how completely insane it is to think about nature untouched by humans as supernatural. Clearly I've been a city-dweller for too long. I mean, it is SUPER natural. But magic? Puh-lease! A Vermonter should know better. Regardless, it has inspired me to try to work out a better city/nature ratio in order to maintain a more enjoyable real life.

So, that's the new goal: vacation-inspired living. More reading, more drawing, more relaxation, more breathing, and most importantly, way more "magic".

vacation sketchbook

patterns and letters

2009-09-11T09:42:00.005-07:00

aminals

2009-08-11T14:47:00.004-07:00

I've been teaching myself how to draw peacocks.
It's the perfect amount of tedious.

Loser

2009-07-21T14:48:00.005-07:00

In the past few months, I have effectively lost almost everything of value to me. Seriously, though. Keys, wallet (twice), cell phone, sketchbook, and a computer crash. Sure, some of them have been returned or found, but still!! I know I've always been a little spacey, but this is just unacceptable. I need to develop a new system because the no-system system is clearly not working. Also, I've been having weird stomach issues again, but they're different this time. I've been throwing up a lot with absolutely no other symptoms. Weird, right? Also gross.

So, I'm computerless for the next month or so (imagine how much reading I'll get done!!). I don't think it'll even make that big of a difference since I can use my roommate's and have one at work. Basically I just won't be in bed staring blankly at Facebook before I fall asleep... which is fine.

I've been noticing that because things have been so off kilter I've been thinking about moving again. Which is pretty dumb but also kind of fun to think about. My latest plan is live in a small house with colorful kitchen tiles in the middle of the desert. Wouldn't that be so lovely!?!? In this new plan I suddenly also have an inexpensive car or scooter and a cat and am not at all lonely.

I keep hearing my mom in my head saying something like, "you chose the story you tell." I want to tell a better story for myself, Mom, honest! I'm going to work on breathing and being more hopeful, and use this period of less internet to make new things that will maybe then some day be posted on the internet. Or maybe not. Either way I'm going to make new things.

Traveling East in a little over a month. Yesssssssssss.

Greenish Thumb

2009-07-05T22:27:00.007-07:00

I know, okay? It's been basically forever. June has been the month of guests. Seven guests, to be exact. Which, as I obviously didn't realize when all these things got planned, is as exhausting as it is completely wonderful. So, even though I've thought about writing a lot, and even written a couple killer entries in my head, somehow it never made it into "real" life. You think I want to spend my limited alone-time trying to craft a million dumb thoughts into comprehensible sentences for my three loyal readers? Yeah right. Sorry, Jen! See you on g-chat!

Hey, guess what?! I've been gardening sort of!!

lettuces

tomato explosion

plum tree harvest + new friend (apples soon to come)

some of the non-edibles

Oh, also, I got new curtains like two months ago and am sort of shocked and appalled that I haven't blogged about them yet considering how (still) completely obsessed with them I am.

prettiest ever

Hmmmmmm what else? Oh, since I work as an events consultant (or something) for a catering place, and because I am designing my friends' wedding invitation as well as being one of their ushers, I spend a lot of time thinking about getting married. Not me getting married, per se, but the idea of other people getting married. It's a weird thing! Also, somehow I turned 24 and then "celebrated" nine months of living in California. As Sean pointed out, I could have had a baby in that time. If I had had twins, two babies.

2009-04-03T23:19:00.002-07:00

I have "mood hair" on my bookmarks toolbar in firefox right between "facebook" and "lavender cats". Sometimes, without realizing it, I check it. Like I'm going to find something new. Like I wouldn't know if it had been updated.

"this is the most fun we've ever had"

2009-03-14T23:42:00.006-07:00

spring ahead

2009-03-08T01:49:00.004-08:00

I think I don't blog as much anymore because I don't have a scanner and taking pictures of things just never seems quite as good to me. Except when they're really fun pictures of sisters and cousins hanging out and not just because we have to.

For those of you who don't know, we're now entering my favorite season: Cadbury Mini-Egg season. Oh, also spring. Although I can't imaging how a California spring could in any way compare to the revitalization and restorative power of a northeastern April and May. Not to complain, because its actually gorgeous here and I deserve, at the very least, an eye-roll for my griping about the rain that we so desperately need. In my defense, 6 days of rain in a row is a lot of rain, unless you're in Seattle, then maybe it's still a lot but just more common and no less unpleasant.

I don't even know what I'm talking about.

meteorology

2009-03-02T16:31:00.006-08:00

This morning, like many other mornings during northern California winter, it was raining. Really hard raining though, like the sideways kind, like the kind that gets your jeans really wet. To make ourselves feel better we went out for fancy burgers and curly fries and then to Trader Joe's to get tofu cream cheese and free coffee samples and to look for the mint hot chocolate that I know Jen likes (they didn't have it) and by the time we got home the sun was out. Crazy crazy.
Even though the sky had cleared and it felt much warmer it was still really blustery. And the plum tree in our backyard has been blossoming for the past week so all of the pedals were blowing all around and it looked instead like it was raining flowers!!

2009-02-25T19:23:00.000-08:00

sean: my internet is being so slow... i feel like i am on AOL 4.0

Linda & Harriet

2009-02-13T01:05:00.004-08:00

i just drew this pattern for Linda & Harriett, a card and stationary company run by the nicest folk who might just win the award for best clients ever. so sweet, so flexible, so helpful. i can't wait to see the finished product.

california: phase two

2009-02-08T03:01:00.006-08:00

i'm embracing unemployment*. i'm giving myself deadlines. i'm volunteering to do things i could, later, be getting paid for. i spend too much time chatting on the internet. i'm trying to be an "artist". its weird!! i love it. i can do it, i know it, even when i'm being crazy.

its exciting to know that things are starting to move into whatever is going to end up being the next phase of my life out here on "the left coast". i'm probably already in that phase i just don't realize it yet. here are some things i'm going to work on:
making lists that actually make sense
exploring by foot
purchasing a bike (finally)
drawing more people
cook ALL the produce i purchase

these goals are all very reasonable. also, on a somewhat separate but equally important note, i really think its so dumb when people call it "the left coast" even though i also really like it.

taylor: how is it that there is no money in the entire nation and i still have to pay student loans?

* EDIT: i'm no longer refering to myself as "unemployed." i'm self-employed. i have income.

2009-02-05T00:00:00.002-08:00

maira

2009-02-03T21:23:00.004-08:00

the day after this came out all four emails in my inbox were links to this:
kalman.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/29/the-inauguration-at-last/

i'm glad my friends know me so well.

the only american unemployed by choice...

2009-01-31T18:11:00.003-08:00

i'm going to start my quest for a new job (positive thinking only, please) on monday. in the meantime, i'm celebrating my unemployment with a cold. you can find me and harry potter on the couch.

also, this is how i spend most saturday mornings.

it's february already?

2009-01-19T01:11:00.003-08:00

both of the most recent entries in the two blogs i check most regularly (that just happen to belong to two of my friends) made me laugh out loud when i read them.

el oh el.

happy new year (still)

2009-01-14T20:14:00.000-08:00

i love saying "happy new year" to people. i always get so sad when it's far enough away from january 1st that it may seem a little weird to still be saying it. but the year is still so new!! especially if you think about all the many weeks in 2009 we still have left.

i love it. this year is new. it's a different year than the last one.

etsy!

2009-01-11T17:08:00.001-08:00

merry happy!

2008-12-23T02:06:00.001-08:00

i'm leaving for the east coast tomorrow and, i gotta say, i'm pretty nervous i'm going to find out i've become a soft, weather-wimp out west. it's all relative though! i mean, the coldest a place gets will always feel cold when you're living there. and here, when it's 50º and rainy it feels COLD. i think a snow and friend fix is just what i need though. besides, i found a really good hot chocolate recipe that's amazing with soy milk so feel pretty much prepared for any weather related challenges. somehow december managed to fly by without feeling like it was overwhelmingly "the holidays", maybe because i decided not to do presents this year (best idea ever, by the way). we had a 1920's themed work holiday party at my house and the best part about it was that i made this chandelier:
my roommate and i have already decided that it's staying up forever. i've always wanted to live somewhere fancy.

although i haven't been motivated to learn how to update my website....

2008-12-07T17:52:00.011-08:00

at least i've been motivated enough to make some new things to put on it.

"growing new roots"

"chicago"

All the pieces below are on show and sale at Stylus Salon located at 2321 2nd Avenue in Seattle until the second day of the new year. Email devon.kelley.yurdin@gmail.com for more info.

"come in"

"oak land"

"east on the west"

"ghost"

"i left new york looking for trees"

"house plants"

if we all do a little we can all do a lot

2008-12-05T23:52:00.005-08:00

i thought it was pretty awesome and appropriate that my first real illustration job in a long time was for a magazine (called Arts & Living California) for an article about the differences between the east and west coasts. months ago they asked me to alter an old piece for it and i did and forgot about it until it was sent to me in the mail and it looks so professional and real. i'll have to scan it. for now though, a pdf will have to do.

also, i've been making little things.

things are good. i'm still trying to figure out why, no matter what, the holiday season always feels so frenzied. i mean, don't get me wrong, i love me some cheer as much as the next gal, and you better believe i'm ready for another three weeks of hearing All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey in every store i walk in to. it's only the best song ever.

2008-11-13T23:32:00.001-08:00

today

2008-11-04T05:28:00.000-08:00

life in california

2008-10-25T17:17:00.009-07:00

i explored a lot the first week i was hereuntil i started working.
we live in a house on a block with other houses,
and have fruit trees in our backyard.
today, like most other days, my weather widget looked like this:so my room usually looks like this:
and this:
also, i'm an aunt now.but some things never change,
and this week, for the first time, i felt homesick.

2008-09-05T01:34:00.000-07:00

an update

2008-08-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

lesley feist. shelburne, vt

the studio. shelburne, vtl'international des feux loto-quebec. montreal, qc'home' for two and a half weeks. chicago, ilthe empire builder. illinois, wisconsin, minnesota, north dakota, montana, washington, oregon day by the river. somewhere outside of portland, or

i'll try to be better, i promise.

my first commission

2008-06-13T17:58:00.004-07:00

lately i've been thinking that maybe, just maybe, being a full-time creative person as my job might just actually be an attainable life goal. which is pretty fantastic.

fleet foxes

2008-06-06T18:48:00.002-07:00

mercedes: it makes me want to get tattoos, cry, or watch a sunset on a roof kinda drunk
me: it's good take-a-train-across-the-country kind of music
mercedes: that's what i just said

nap time

2008-05-29T20:21:00.003-07:00

the greatest

2008-05-15T06:26:00.001-07:00

i had a dream last night that cat power sent me a text message asking me to make a cake for her with bears on it.

you were knocking me down with the palm of your eye

2008-05-12T14:22:00.005-07:00

2008-05-05T10:48:00.001-07:00

prego!!!

2008-05-01T08:08:00.002-07:00

last night on our way back from L Magazine sponsored bowling and beer we stopped on bedford to get chinese food and a very drunk man thought that caitlin and i were pregnant. actually, he just though i was pregnant and asked caitlin, "are you pregnant too?" because she had a glowing smile on her face.

for those (which is probably everyone who reads this) who have ever actually seen caitlin and me, this should be hilarious. also, how did it get to be may already?

here we go again

2008-04-30T10:43:00.005-07:00

every few days or weeks or months i go through periods of super-concentrated, independent, creative productivity. then, after however many days or weeks or months of that, comes another however many days or weeks or months of, well, nothing. i think this is normal. but it's always so awkward and overwhelming sitting down and trying to do work after such a hibernation. i think the thing that i always forget is how much patience it takes. in real, non-creative life its easier to make yourself do things (even though it's still not always easy) because stuff like chores or errands are usually pretty instantly gratifying. if you go grocery shopping then you have a full refrigerator, if you do the dishes then you've got an empty sink, if you take a shower then you're clean. its so simple! but when you sit down to "make something" who knows how many hours (or days or weeks or months) it'll be before it turns into anything at all, or if it even will turn into anything. but i'm not complaining. i actually like the process. it just seems like such a crazy expulsion of energy to from time to time participate in this reorientation. and to have to remind myself again not to be expecting some polaroid-style satisfaction.

also

2008-04-28T16:57:00.002-07:00

i decided today that walking is my favorite hobby

2008-04-28T13:40:00.014-07:00

i got back from japan a little over a week ago. i've spent the past week being hardly employed and taking advantage of living in new york. there is nothing like traveling somewhere really foreign to make you feel really competent when functioning at home. its nice feeling like a genius just because you actually understand the subway system really well.

here are some highlights:
after we got there we took the train to kyoto for the weekend
and found this photoand this one
missing thing: Its hard to find.
travel: No problem.
back to the big city

this past thursday i rode to prospect park
and was reminded that next i'd really like to go to paris.

2008-04-09T21:37:00.002-07:00

i'm going to japan today.

a question

2008-04-07T20:18:00.002-07:00

joan and i were talking about this for some reason the other day and i'd really like to gain some clarity. ok, so when people talk about 'the second coming of jesus', what does that mean exactly? he was a great human then he died, and then he came back and that's why everyone loves him, right? did he go somewhere after that? because doesn't saying 'the second coming' imply that he went somewhere? but then if he went somewhere, who is everyone so in love with?

seriously, i'm curious.

the most i've ever known about cars

2008-04-05T16:01:00.005-07:00

its a cake. patti and i made it.

2008-03-31T20:48:00.004-07:00

all i can think about is our trip japan. we leave a week from thursday. i've been planning my outfits. yes i know is ridiculous, but i think probably because there's not a whole lot else i can plan or anticipate, because neither of us want to go crazy scheduling a jam-packed itinerary, that now the biggest thing i have left to analyze is whether or not i should bring my middle-weight coat. and what shoes will be the most stylish and most comfortable?

also, my hair feels strangely tight in the back. i wonder if it's possible for tight curls to have the same affect on one's scalp as a tight ponytail.

2008-03-18T07:35:00.001-07:00

and we'll laugh and toast to nothing

2008-03-12T14:45:00.003-07:00

all i've been doing lately is going to work and coming home then working on work and making lists and staring at my wall that has the lists taped up on it.
its so funny how easy it is to feel really shitty about things that are not at all shitty. like having your own show at the bakery you work at and having to make 'art' that people are going to see and maybe, just maybe, purchase. my stomach's been acting up for the first time in a few weeks and i had a muscle spasm in my neck pretty much all day and i haven't been sleeping very well. all things considered, however, i feel pretty great. sean and i made reservations at an adorable place to stay in kyoto for when we go there for a weekend trip for when we go to japan the country and for when we are there for the CHERRY BLOSSOMS. oh my god. one month away. i'm so excited. also, 1 out of 3 things i'm making look pretty okay and i love everyone except people that are stupid and i've been eating soooo many jordan almonds which is really just so good. tonight i'm going to take a muscle relaxer for my neck and watch america's next top model and top chef and eat chips with caitlin.

here's what i'm sick of hearing about:
the democratic nomination (hillary, please stop being an asshole)
elliot spitzer (already)
anything that has to do with american idol (still)
how we didn't have a real winter (i know, okay? it sucked)

who's ready for spring?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?

2008-03-03T10:49:00.001-08:00

iiiii feeeeeeelllllsooooooo boooorrrrrrinnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggg

LCD on a cookie

2008-03-02T16:36:00.003-08:00

last week at work.

charmingwall

2008-02-26T13:06:00.003-08:00

these pieces are going to be for sale at charmingwall gallery's "tiny art show". its located at 191 west 4th street. the opening is this saturday from 6-8pm. you should come. xoxo

2008-02-22T20:42:00.002-08:00

i really should be sleeping because my alarm is set for tomorrow morning at 6:29. and i know that once i put down my computer and turn on some music its going to be at least another 30 minutes before i fall asleep. which means if i did that right now (which obviously i'm not going to) i'll be getting around 6.25 hours of sleep. which, at one point in my life, could have been considered a lot but no longer can considering i can never get out of bed these days. the one things i'm really excited for about waking up tomorrow at 6:29 is seeing how light the sky will be since its been two whole weeks since i've been awake on a saturday that early and two weeks ago i was amazed that the sky i was used to seeing black was instead twilight blue. crepuscular blue, as someone once told me. tomorrow the blue might be paler still and then, sometime, in the next few months, it will be white. i like how in the morning our eyes see the sky as white even though we know its blue. maybe its just in comparison to black. any lightness can look white in comparison to black. or something.

its going to be spring soon.

weekend at our nation's capital

2008-02-18T20:51:00.006-08:00

and my stomach didn't hurt once.

new york new york

2008-02-10T07:44:00.000-08:00

sometimes i wonder if i the only time i can be by myself without feeling lonely is when i'm living somewhere where i don't know anyone. even today, while taking a two hour walk to a store that ended up being closed, i was on the phone or accompanied by cat power. while wandering around i bought some dried fruit from a silver-haired man in a middle eastern shop that was pilled with boxes of pistachio and honey sweets, cans of tuna, and huge class jars full of gluten-free snacks. my new goal is to find solace in new york while i can still call it home. i need to feel like my reasons for wanting so badly to leave are there regardless of the fact that this city is really quite spectacular. on my walk home i really wanted tea and started to keep my eyes out for a coffee shop when i saw a bodega and decided to get it from there instead. while craving tea in hoboken when i was there the other week, and having a hard time finding a place to get it, i was realizing that its actually not the most normal thing to be able to get a hot cup of tea or coffee from the same place that you can get your beer (or ginger ale) and $3 cheese sandwich. it's really a beautiful thing. i got a large.

the results are in

2008-01-23T06:44:00.001-08:00

fuck.

2008-01-20T20:17:00.000-08:00

on all the celebrity reality shows they always have a 'life coach' which is crazy but i can't pretend i'm not jealous.

2008-01-15T20:47:00.001-08:00

after telling tyler that lately i feel like i spend 1/4 of the day making myself feel crazy he told me that everyone does that. which made me feel better until i thought of everyone walking around just driving themselves mad. and which made me feel better until i realized that it doesn't make me feel any different.

thinkintthinkintthinkinthinking

2008-01-13T16:36:00.001-08:00

i always thought that i would make things that reflected what i was thinking about. i guess that's not really the case because everything i've been making lately looks like i'm not thinking about anything. which is the opposite of true. eh, what are ya gonna do?

baby genius

2008-01-12T13:34:00.000-08:00

while babysitting last night i was informed by oscar, age two, that he likes wearing his underwear backwards because he likes to be able to see the picture on them. i'm having a really hard time thinking of anything in the world more hilariously adorable than that.

bakereeeeeeee

2008-01-02T14:27:00.001-08:00

tyler's mom gave me all kinds of baking goodies so i can start making baked goods from home. i'm so excited. best gift ever.

and the tea pot was pretty much perfect too. and the bathrobe.

2008

2008-01-01T13:48:00.001-08:00

i know its dumb but i remember feeling really nervous this time last year because the number 6, when written, couldn't be easily changed into the number 7. as it turned out, 2007 was really freakin difficult. my hope is that, because a 7 is a lot easier to finagle into an 8, this year will be much much better.

to start things off right i'm going to clean my room and reward myself with a nighttime viewing of lost in translation. really.

crippled digestion

2007-12-27T11:15:00.000-08:00

i went to my naturopath today about my stomach problems and i don't know if i feel better or worse. i told her i was cold all the time and that i was gaining weight and she took a bunch of my blood to test for food allergies and my blood was warm instead of hot. she told me i needed to go to another doctor and have them check for a bacteria in my stomach and to also have them stick a camera down my throat. then she gave me acupuncture and apparently my intestines are inflamed and my small intestine is holding the most tension and i might have an ulcer in it. which might be causing my thyroid to be having problems. hence the cold blood and the tight pants. which is fun.

tis the season

2007-12-19T21:20:00.000-08:00

i was really hoping that making my gifts for people this year would alleviate a lot of stress for me. what i didn't take into consideration is that everything i ever make ever is a kind of complicated that makes my brain hurt in a good massage-the-knot-out-of-a-muscle kind of way when there is a manageable amount of it, but in a bad skull-not-big-enough-for-its-contents kind of way when i have too much to do. like right now. which is completely defeating the purpose.

its weird, now that i'm drawing again i feel like i don't have anything to write.

new

2007-12-14T17:37:00.001-08:00

old

2007-12-14T17:32:00.001-08:00

2007-12-07T12:50:00.001-08:00

almost a real-live digital person

2007-12-04T22:15:00.000-08:00

DEVONKELLEY-YURDIN.COM !!!!
a very special thanks to mr. bolesta.

also, this is what i do at work,
which is hilarious.

wintry mix

2007-12-02T07:58:00.000-08:00

its snowed last night. i'm excited to leave the house to enjoy it before it gets deflowered by freezing rain and general new york uncleanliness. which probably means i've got an hour or so.

i'm selling things at a craft fair today and am really not sure if anyone is going to buy anything. also, i can't decide how much anything is worth. a professor of mine said once that pricing is awful because you always end up feeling like both a greedy bastard and a sucker. we'll see.

edible art

2007-11-22T07:28:00.000-08:00

a really big dilemma

2007-11-15T18:55:00.000-08:00

my mom asked me if i want another spiritual reading for christmas this year. i can't decide if i want one because i'm worried it will make the actual real decisions i've been thinking about seem even more confusing and the answers even more unclear. then again, who better to ask that some spirits. besides asking myself, of course. but who wants to actually take on that kind of responsibility? and who actually knows how they feel about anything other than the fact that they have feelings about everything? for now i guess i'm happy having my big dilemma NOT be whether or not i should move across the country and instead have it be whether or not i should ask my spirit guides whether or not i should move across the country. its a welcome change.

i wish i was the moon tonight

2007-11-11T20:50:00.001-08:00

justforfun.tiff

2007-11-07T20:53:00.001-08:00

here's what i don't understand

2007-11-03T17:27:00.000-07:00

so i always here things like "lots of people live on less than a dollar a day," and what i'm wondering is if 100 years ago, when someone who had a million dollars was considered really wealthy, were those poor people people living on like 5 cents a day? and also where did all the new money come from? did one day the money makers just decided to start making more money or instead its just that there is more virtual money that doesn't exist in real spacetime? if that's the case and there's just all this fake money floating around can't someone just give it to all those people so they can have a few more 'dollars' a day and everyone would be happy? and can i have some?

obviously i know a lot about finances. people should listen to me.

my digestive system hurts most of the time

2007-11-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

and i would just really love it if it would stop.

piece by piece

2007-10-30T13:20:00.000-07:00

about a month ago i made myself go to imaging to scan some old work that was too big for normal scanners and ended up still having to scan my kite in 6 pieces. i decided yesterday that i should finally tile the stupid thing.

this is how far i got because i realized that i don't have the file for the bottom piece. so annoying. especially considering i don't even really like it anymore.

today i got paid to organize little royal icing flowers (by color) and construct gingerbread houses. tomorrow i'm getting paid to ice cupcakes and carve a pumpkin. who knew? i'm finally starting to feel creative again, and i've been staying up really late these days. by 'these days' i mean the past three. i had always said in school that i have trouble getting work done when the sun is up. i hope that's not still the way i function because going to bed at eleven pretty much rules.

Drafts (1)

2007-10-19T16:21:00.000-07:00

she said i had a busy mind

2007-10-13T17:46:00.000-07:00

i sort of love and hate having pains in my body. i guess i just feel like it brings attention to something you wouldn't necessarily be paying attention to. something that is inside of your body doing it's little job all the time that you never even think about paying attention to until it starts hurting. but it's always there. somehow it feels good to me to be aware, for a short time, of it's active existence. its also a really nice thing when it stops hurting and you had forgotten that it was hurting because it feels normal for it to not be hurting and then all of a sudden you think, "when did that stop?" sort of like when you're thinking about something all the time and you don't really notice when you're not thinking about it because when you're not, you're not instead thinking "i'm not thinking about this". because if you were thinking that then you are.

2007-10-11T17:15:00.000-07:00

i told my mom that my new life goal is that, one day, i'd like to be able to afford a cleaning lady.

2007-10-05T09:16:00.001-07:00

three hours is a lot of hours at 11pm

2007-10-02T22:49:00.000-07:00

are you a tourist if you've already lived somewhere and you're going back to visit but don't have any of the real life 'home' stuff to do? still feeling daring enough to inspect people's faces on the bus seems outsider-like until you recognize one of them and then it doesn't. it's funny and fun to feel like a visitor but to not need directions. it's also nice to feel comfortable.

2007-10-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

i'm in my old room in seattle and it still smells the same. i didn't even know it had a specific scent until it instantly turned into memory. it's so stupid and sad how easy it is to be stupid and sad. its nice to create new positive experiences and feelings to attach to a place that deserves it. this city feels good on me.

its strange when you realize your feelings about something or someone have become disconnected from thing itself. but i still sleep with my phone by my head.

2007-09-24T17:43:00.001-07:00

manhattan is so weird.

2007-09-20T19:27:00.000-07:00

tonight when i was walking home from c.s.a. the sun was setting and turned the sky the color pink that somehow makes bricks seem redder than they do in the daytime. now i'm home eating a giant piece of toasted baguette with olive oil AND butter and am about to go over to jen's to finish drawing a crocheted table cloth and catch up on some email correspondence. yesssssssssssssss.

edit: five minutes after writing i started feeling so incredibly sleepy and decided to be a flakey old woman and stay home and go to bed early instead. oh well.

2007-09-16T20:26:00.001-07:00

2007-09-13T11:50:00.000-07:00

2007-09-11T22:05:00.000-07:00

it is really baffling to me that people have trouble finding babysitters. tonight, i walked into a beautiful fort greene apartment to hang out with an almost one-year-old for 25 minutes before he fell asleep in that cute kid way with his legs tucked under and his butt in the air. then i ate nutella and watched television. after a half hour about poor britney i watched kinsey on ifc and then an episode of sex and the city on-demand. then i read miranda july. then i got paid $65 in cash and took a cab home. it's like being thirteen except you don't feel guilty about eating their food and now there are really great cable packages.

everyone i know is here right now on this sphere

2007-09-05T10:26:00.000-07:00

mom: yeah, you look like shit.
me: fuck you
*both laugh*

i'm in vermont. this morning i woke up to the men who are painting my mom's condo standing directly outside my window clunking around heavy ladders and speaking in even heavier vermont accents. (no 't's, long vowels). to remedy my grump i watched cinderella on vhs. after that i found myself looking through the dresser that has three drawers full of all the stuff i couldn't throw away when i moved out after high school, which, for obvious reasons, means its actually just a dresser full of high school. pictures, yearbooks, knick knacks, journals. the sketchbook is my favorite. it's basically just a bunch of squiggly lines and one drawing of a man throwing up flowers. its nice to know things haven't changed that much.

it's been weird realizing that somewhere along the line 'going home' and 'going on vacation' became the same thing. one night when joan and freddie were here we pulled the car over too look at all the stars before the moon rose. they're really the kind of amazing that doesn't even feel worth trying to understand because it just can't possibly make sense. sort of like choosing to live in a place where you can't even see them can't possibly make sense. in the daytime the sun hangs more to the south than it did in may, i can tell by how the light hits my dad's porch. fall is approaching in a serious way. the chimes, though, they always sound the same. its just so beautiful here and i can't help but keep thinking about those stars. for some reason it breaks my heart a little to know that some things are just so far away.

i have no idea where the cord is for the scanner.

2007-08-26T14:54:00.000-07:00

that's actually all i wanted to say.

<3

yesterday

2007-08-25T11:53:00.000-07:00

devon: oh my god i'm such a genius i'm really glad i just thought of that.
joan: that's how i felt this morning when i got finished cutting out all the letters of the alphabet.

camera obscura: thank you very much!
caitlin: you're welcome!

2007-08-24T12:47:00.000-07:00

this was my room the night we moved in:

and this is the majestic beauty it is about to become:

who's ready? i am.

also, i'm going to try really hard to stop being ridiculous. it wastes beautiful days.

its been a while, says jen

2007-08-22T18:59:00.000-07:00

every other year at this time we've been gearing up to go back to school and even though that's not happening i still feel like there's a very specific air of preparation but have no idea what it's for. what's going on? i know who has that answer. fall. i've decided to step down and put all my eggs in one basket by taking away all personal responsibility for anything in my life and am blaming all moods and decisions on the seasons. everything will be figured out for me because fall has a way of bringing all that stuff that was floating around all summer long back to the ground and all i'll have to do is wear more clothing. i'm off the hook.

hmm... i'm doing a drawing with a farm scene and have been doing google image searches and this is what's at the top of my screen right now:

it was strange last night to walk home and have one layer on my arms not be enough. it was refreshing. i was walking quickly and it was dark and an attractive man reading a magazine on a brownstone stoop smiled at me and i smiled back because why does no one ever do that? on monday at the waterfront in boston i was looking up at all the buildings and removing the ones in my mind that i didn't think belonged there. the only ones left were the beautiful old rows that i don't know how to describe except that there were really good fire escapes and the old one with the pointy top that was dwarfed by all the giant glass guys even though you can tell that, at one time, people must have been baffled by it's height. and there was a old couple on the pier with matching sneakers. they probably have been in love forever.

2007-07-17T15:26:00.000-07:00

today at work i was showing off to my coworkers pictures of a kid that's not even mine. i'm going to be the worst kind of parent.

2007-07-16T20:17:00.000-07:00

yesterday, when i got off the subway, i started walking on the platform between the pillars and the train. the train started pulling away and, because we were moving in the same direction, it felt like i was walking really slow, almost being pulled backwards. as soon as the train passed the weight was gone and i felt normal. it reminded me of the exercise in gymnastics we used to have to do which involved running down the vault runway with a giant landing mat dragging behind us so that once we took it off and ran regular it felt like we were flying. it would be pretty convenient if things were actually like that. that when something happens that's hard and makes you feel really slow there's a definite moment that you are released and you can fly again, or at least feel normal (whatever that means). jen, joan, and i were talking the other day about how we tend to draw about the things we love and write about the things we hate. i'd like for that not to be the case.

tin ceilings and bar stools and sleepovers and two year olds who speak their own languages and a beach that has the ability to make your brain go dumb and those beautiful vines that grow on the sides of those beautiful houses that still reach for the sun even when it's dark out.

2007-07-12T12:55:00.001-07:00

2007-07-02T10:41:00.001-07:00

http://aa.usno.navy.mil/graphics/Moon_movie.gif

"small universal child morning star purple flower of love"

2007-06-29T14:12:00.000-07:00

when things are going really terribly its so easy to find yourself feeling like nothing's going to ever be right even though you know very well that that's not at all true. my mom always says that the world has a way of taking care of us. i know she's right but things falling apart and feeling awful always make everything fall apart more because of how awful you feel. and its so hard to see what you're letting yourself do because somehow feelings always get in the way of ever being able to be rational. and you don't know that you're actually driving yourself out of your mind until someone comes and says, "hey, you're driving yourself out of your mind," and then you know and can stop.

replace "you" with "i".

the past few days have been infinitely better and right now i'm sitting in my room with my new bike helmet next to me and my new apartment's keys hanging on a rubber key chain the shape of a sneaker and i'm realizing that this is it: my big fat "i told you so" from the universe, and from my mom.

2007-06-25T00:18:00.000-07:00

i wish that people were better at dealing with change.

actually, maybe i just wish that i was better dealing with change.

this one's for jen

2007-06-15T23:03:00.000-07:00

today was really exciting because i bought my first .005 micron that will never be used for a homework assignment. i'm not sure exactly why that feels like a big deal to me, but there is something that just feels nice about existing outside of school but utilizing the tools that were acquired there. somehow i've managed to tell myself that the approaches i took while in school are no longer valid or smart enough. maybe my brand new .005 micron will prove me wrong. maybe it will be what helps me see that i can work outside of the strict deadlines of finals and still have it's .005 line draw something that makes me say, 'yessss'.

i was talking to jen about the fact that i hadn't updated in a while and how i just don't want this blog to become more about 'this is what i did today' than 'this is what i'm working on'. but i guess since very little is being worked on (and, lets be honest, who knows when that's going to get back underway) for now the everyday whatevers are just going to have to do. i mean, in the end, it's the everyday whatevers that are going to influence the stuff anyway.

i found out yesterday that my (former) professor's son, tyler, who i was planning on babysitting for two days a week this summer got into daycare. jean offered to give me the names of other mommies but i'm really not interested in being a babysitter. i just wanted to hang out with tyler who's pretty much awesome although not very good at playing with others. at the playground on monday i taught him how to shoo away a pigeon and he proceeded to shoo away the next kid who came over to play with his toy truck.
"only with birds, tyler."
maybe daycare isn't such a bad idea.

2007-06-10T17:39:00.000-07:00

this is so emo. i'm really sorry.

lazy sunday

2007-06-10T17:36:00.000-07:00

today i made a really amazing lunch for myself of eggs with garlic and thyme and pecans and vermont cheddar cheese on a baguette with drizzled balsamic vinegar. and i had some cherries, which i love but always forget exist fresh until summer comes and then i remember and am happy because it means that the season is here that we seem to always be waiting for. the idea of summer is so strange, like how things seemingly become okay even when they're not. i just still feel so tired. also, i've been spending the afternoon looking online at maira kalman's the principles of uncertainty and she makes me feel so crazy and excited and scared that i'll never ever in my life be able to make something so wonderful.

2007-06-08T18:55:00.000-07:00

this is the third night i've heard fireworks down by the waterfront and i really wish i knew what they were for. i really love fireworks.